tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
