how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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