Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
