fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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