you guys were way drunker than both of me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
