So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I've blown a few things in my day
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
