This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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