I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
