last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
