May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
