I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
