i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
