now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
