just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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