3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm passing your future prison.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
