I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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