I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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