um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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