Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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