I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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