your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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