I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
