im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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