How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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