If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
