yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
