I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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