Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
