oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
