They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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