I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
