this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
