Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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