5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
