no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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