Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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