watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
