I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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