I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
