Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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