The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
