She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
