How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
