and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
