Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
