My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
