Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
