8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i out mim tonsoeep
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