There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
