whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
