At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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